Photo Credit: Anshu A via Unsplash Remember when this question was but an extension of a greeting - something said out of habit? We didn't always really want to know how someone was doing. We were quite content with the expected "Fine." I've asked this question a lot since March 13. Actually, I have asked it constantly. Part of my coping strategy. Friends and family (and even not-friends) ask me all the time. It's nice to be asked. But you know what? It is taking me longer and longer to answer it. Why? Because first of all, I am not fine. And even if I lied and said I was, it would be obvious that I was lying. "How are you" alternatives: Are you physically safe? Are you healthy? Are you in a space for a conversation? Would you like me to just listen? Did you sleep last night? Do you have enough food? Are you going to the protest? Will you social distance? Do you promise to be careful? What time is your curfew? Are you sure you can trust them? Did you pack an emergency travel kit? Can you stay on the phone with me and not talk? Can you send bail money? Will you use your body to protect mine? Will you care for my loved ones if I don't survive? What a difference a day makes. Photo Credit: Mike Von via Unsplash
25 Comments
6/1/2020 04:01:04 pm
Thanks for sharing this. It's weird how different that question sounds these days. Your questions are great suggestions. I've found other phrases like "use this in the classroom" are just gone from the lexicon too.
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Marian Dingle
6/1/2020 04:17:55 pm
Thank you so much for reading. Each conversation brings new understanding of where we are.
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Joanne Robert
6/1/2020 09:15:34 pm
Brilliant teaching again. I just posted the link on Facebook. I hope you are safe. ❤️
Nicole
6/1/2020 05:00:14 pm
Thank you for writing this. The litany of questions feels like a poem.
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Marian Dingle
6/1/2020 07:27:05 pm
Thank you, Nicole. I appreciate you reading.
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Sheila Veatch
6/1/2020 07:16:25 pm
Grace filled words. Once again I learn.from you.
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Marian Dingle
6/1/2020 07:27:35 pm
Thank you so much for reading, Sheila.
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Kristen Faust
6/1/2020 08:05:49 pm
Thank you for sharing this. I can only listen and learn from you, and so appreciate your willingness to share. I do hope that these questions are NOT our “new” normal, but a step on the path to a different, better, equitable normal where someday we can again ask “How are you?”
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Marian Dingle
6/2/2020 04:48:28 am
Thank you for reading, Kirsten. I am hoping that we can begin asking the original question but with the intended, deeper meaning already evident in the intonation.
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Jana Sanchez
6/1/2020 08:16:01 pm
Thank you for writing this. Wise words. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and your relentless pursuit of truth and justice.
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Marian Dingle
6/2/2020 03:24:31 am
Thank you, Jana.
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Jill Phillips
6/1/2020 09:23:07 pm
Every one of those questions are full expressions of love and community. Thank you, Marian. I'm saving these to help me find the right words when I can't.
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Marian Dingle
6/2/2020 03:25:40 am
Jill, I appreciate you reading.
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Natalie O Pough
6/2/2020 04:33:38 am
Thank you for this. Your willingness to put words to what so many of us are going through is no small feat. The healing begins when true efforts are made to address so many of the injustices we are facing and have faced for centuries.
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Marian Dingle
6/2/2020 04:49:44 am
Oh, Natalie, I am glad it helped. How long must we wait?
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6/2/2020 11:03:46 am
I notice that I've answered yes AND no to many of the alternatives you'd mentioned. Yes, I slept, but I had terrible dreams and woke up at 2 AM and again at 4 AM.
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Marian Dingle
6/2/2020 11:28:55 am
Yes - answers can vary throughout the day, don't they? Thanks for reading, Fawn.
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Arthur Chiaravalli
6/2/2020 02:54:29 pm
Thank you for sharing your light, Marian. Going to be stealing some of these. 💕😊
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Marian Dingle
6/2/2020 05:54:36 pm
Thank you for reading, Arthur. We can do this.
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Annette Hilts
6/6/2020 07:39:30 am
Marian,
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Marian Dingle
6/7/2020 08:19:14 am
Thank you for your continual support, Annette.
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Carol Johnson
6/6/2020 08:11:13 am
Thank you Marian. Asking how are you, might be well intentioned but doesn't seem enough anymore. I appreciate your insight.
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Marian Dingle
6/7/2020 08:21:17 am
Exactly, Carol. How we care for folks can be more intentional.
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Carla Bidwell
6/7/2020 07:31:27 am
Thank you for sharing this, Marian. It serves as a reminder to me to not ask empty questions just for the sake of asking.
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Marian Dingle
6/7/2020 08:20:20 am
Thanks for getting it, Carla. That authenticity is what I need more of in my life.
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