Photo by @pixabay via Nappy
There was a time when I would push organizations I was part of to write statements about the injustice of the day. I would approach the person(s) at the highest level to make my demand.
Predictably, a pattern would emerge, where I would:
I am reflecting on my root cause. Why did I need them so badly? Having studied economics in college, I know that all economic agents are assumed to be "rational". That is, each person is assumed to act in their own best interest, to maximize their utility. In plain terms, they are assumed to do what is needed to survive and thrive, to be happy. As a rational human, I also need to survive and be happy. I need to, at minimum, identify humans who are either my mortal enemies (those who disregard my humanity, which kills me, or who stand by while others do), or those who are pro-Marian, who would fight for me. In some way, statements helped me distinguish the two groups. Looking back, this does seem perfectly rational.
But now? I no longer need statements. Not only am I no longer expecting or requesting them, I would rather not have them at all. They cloud the real issue. I have evolved to a new sense of rationality. Statements can not protect me nor help keep me alive. (Neither can verdicts.) Basically:
Evolving past statements also means that I will be moving differently. No more convincing or cajoling. Life is too short, and I need to live and enjoy and protect the years I have left. Rationality now means putting my happiness first. It means moving with those I know* are pro-Marian. This is bare minimum. It is what I deserve - surrounding myself with those who will fight for me, and I for them. I can live with that.
*How do I know? That is my business not to be explained to anyone.
A recent handmade gift from a friend.
Sending a 3am text to a friend while sobbing
Receiving a 3am text from a friend who is sobbing
Expecting surprise cards, letters, t-shirts, food in the mail from friends...just because
Sending gifts to someone you hardly know, because they need it
Listening to the voice inside that tells you to send words of affirmation to someone
Spending time with those who are dear, possibly at a distance, in silence
Experiencing a full conversation - no words exchanged
Praying for humans who don't share your spiritual beliefs
Praying for your own children
Praying for other people's children
Loving the life you lead
Reflecting is good for the soul. Doing so in public is terrifying and exhilarating.