"Wow! Two kids in college!" Is a phrase I hear a lot these days. Yes, I have a rising senior daughter and a rising freshman son. I realize that this is meant as a compliment. The implication is that with so many wrong turns that could have been made, my children have "made it" past their primary and secondary school experiences, and that my husband and I have concocted the magic sauce that allowed for their success.
Am I proud of them? Of course! They both have taken different paths, but both have emerged as fine citizens, with healthy world views. They are intelligent communicators, have cultivated leadership through playing varsity and travel/club sports, and have been able to navigate past peer pressure. Yes, my husband and I were and are present and vocal through it all, and we have managed to keep them close. However, the fact that my two are in college, and away from home, is not as comforting as it should be. You see, they are people of color. And that is a game-changer. I have devoted my life's work to getting other young people to this very point. I teach at the elementary level, but have kept up with my students well beyond my classroom. I have attended their bar mitzvahs and homecoming games. I counsel them about their life goals and give feedback on college essays. I am their coach through many of life's challenges. This is part of who I am. And yet, I am feeling uncertain about my own two. I no longer have the comfort of knowing where they are every minute of the day. For a parent of color, this is unsettling. I know that for all we have taught them about who they are, how to treat others, and how to protect themselves, it may not be enough. We are reminded continually of what can happen. And that, for many of us, is the reality that we live with. Since my parenting informs my teaching, I am left to wonder how this, too, will manifest in my classroom. My evolution is demanding abandoning silence. As it cripples me, it cripples my charges. My students can affirm that I am not the teacher who claims to have all the answers. But saying nothing, skirting issues that affect all of us, is no longer acceptable. I tell my students all the time that I will not ask them to do anything that I do not do myself. I thought that this was true, but it isn't. I ask them to take risks, yet I have few of those conversations with them. I expect them to care for one another and be a family, but I don't always push my colleagues to be better by questioning what we do and why. Pushing is ultimately an act of love. I'm not loving if I am afraid of discomfort. I will do better. I must do better. My silence is my defeat. And theirs. And yours.
24 Comments
Marian Dingle
7/9/2017 05:03:43 pm
Thank you, Aaron. I appreciate your feedback!
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7/10/2017 03:45:36 am
Marian-
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Marian Dingle
7/10/2017 02:51:05 pm
Thank you, Mike. My parenting preceded my teaching, so perhaps that explains it. Interesting insight. I appreciate you reading. 12/4/2017 04:08:48 am
Marian
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Shana
7/9/2017 02:29:13 pm
Nice post. Hope you continue to blog more. Thank you for sharing.
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Marian Dingle
7/9/2017 05:04:45 pm
Thank you for reading, Shana. You continue to inspire me and so many others.
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7/9/2017 03:33:38 pm
My favorite lines were, "My evolution is demanding abandoning silence. As it cripples me, it cripples my charges." Here is to adansoning silence!! This post is so beautiful and I cannot wait to read more and see what comes of this for you and your students. Finding my voice online, helped me certainly find my voice in this world and therefore allowed me to help my students to find their voices. It's an amazing journey and I am so grateful you are ready to share yours with all of us!
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Marian Dingle
7/9/2017 05:06:57 pm
You are so thoughtful to read and respond. Your work has taught me so much. I am honored to have your read this.
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Monte Syrie
7/10/2017 03:36:40 am
Awesome post, Marian. Thank you for sharing your valuable voice. Thank you for letting us be witnesses to your journey. Blog on!
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Marian Dingle
7/10/2017 02:52:32 pm
Monte, your words mean so much. Thank you.
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Brenda Toone
7/10/2017 05:16:24 am
Thank you, Marian for your insightful and courageous words. I can only hope to follow your lead by speaking up and righting the wrongs of racial prejudice and white privilege in my family, my classroom, and my community.
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Marian Dingle
7/10/2017 02:54:58 pm
Brenda, I am do glad that we met. Thank you for being willing to embark on this path with me.
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7/10/2017 04:48:41 pm
Marian, such a thoughtful and beautifully written post - I can wait to read more. Your thoughts about abandoning silence and challenging your colleagues resonate deeply with me, as I find this is where I am on my own journey. Thank you for sharing so honestly, and best of luck to your children in college.
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Marian Dingle
7/10/2017 05:40:53 pm
Wendy, it is nice to know I am on the same path with so many. Thank you for receiving my message so openly and for our new connection. We can do this.
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Marian Dingle
7/13/2017 03:45:00 am
Thank you for reading, Dan. It is appreciated.
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LeSheryl Wootson
7/14/2017 10:23:32 am
Dingle.....I am so extremely proud of you for stretching yourself and being vulnerable to the world by sharing what in essence is the state of America through yours and many others personal experiences, thoughts, and fears. The influence you have on your students will definitely help to make positive changes for a better tomorrow. Hopefully your blog will also influence others to open their hearts and minds to embrace and learn from each other. I look for to reading your next blog! Best wishes to you!
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Marian Dingle
7/15/2017 05:11:05 pm
Thank you, friend! So, so glad that after life's turns we are still in each other's lives. Your words mean so much, and I thank you for sharing them.
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This post really speaks to me, especially the line about not being loving if you are afraid of discomfort. I try to remind myself that having faith in someone doesn't mean giving them a pass when they mess up, but rather, it means giving them the opportunity to grow.
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Marian Dingle
8/1/2017 07:03:34 am
Grace, it was an honor to learn from you at TMC. Your voice, though soft in delivery, roars like a lion. Thanks for reading and being such a big part of my journey.
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Diane Givens
8/31/2017 11:31:46 am
Marian,
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I’Jae Webb
11/16/2018 08:09:52 pm
Not too sure what to say, but thank you. You played a pivotal role in my development.
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Marian Dingle
12/3/2018 05:07:44 pm
Oh my goodness! I can't believe you actually read this and commented! I was always so impressed with you, and hope you are doing well, dear.
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